chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
