the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
