I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
