i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
