I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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