I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
