We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
