this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize