I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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