just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
