Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
