If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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