He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
