Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
