On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
