How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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