made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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