she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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