he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
