I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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