dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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