If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
