what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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