What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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