Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
