I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
