You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
