Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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