Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
