i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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