Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
