Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
