i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
