So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
