I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
