so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
