i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
