That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
