just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
