these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
how drunk are you?
Several
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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