i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this will be a night to untag.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
