Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
