I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
