News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
