Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
