What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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