I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
