quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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