why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
