Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
