So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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