Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
40s are totally the cure
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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