how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
