you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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