I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
