dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
