I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
