I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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