hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
