Don't you send me to vm
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
