and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
