he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
