I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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