I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize