after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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