I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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