who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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