I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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