Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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