White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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