I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
